Kid, I think I've met sixteen of your older brothers.

Posted by September Blue Monday 7 April 2008

Standing in a Marks & Spencer queue, divided by a row of hanging sweets and chocolates from the rest of the shop. Behind that row, a toddler is going into meltdown. "I want I want my MUMMY I WANT MY MUMMY MUMMY MUMMY MU-"

A weary adult voice: "Mummy's buying our food just now. She'll be back in a minute."

"MAKE MUMMY COME BACK I WANT MUMMY NOW!" Tears, kicking, unmistakeable flump sound of small child collapsing into floppy-limbed resistance on shop floor. The blonde woman in front of me rolls her eyes.

"She hasn't gone away," says the adult voice patiently. "She's just over there." (Blonde woman goes from rolling her eyes to cringing.) "She'll be back in a minute."

"I WANT TO GO TO MUMMY I LOVE MUMMY!"

"Yes, I know, but -"

"I WANT TO GO TO MUMMY NOW!"

"No, you need to wait here now. Mummy will be right back."

There follows a shriek I cannot transcribe in any alphabet known to humanity.

"All right!" the blonde woman in front of me shouts. "Let him come over here."

Stampede of tiny feet, appearance of small, blurry person in dungarees and a baseball cap flinging himself at his mother's lower limbs. "MUMMY!"

"Sweetheart, you only had to wait -"

Through tears: "I LOVE YOU MUMMY!"

A general ripple of 'awwww' spreads through the queue. Blonde woman smiles despite herself. "All right, baby. I love you too, you know that? Mummy loves you very much."

Toddler stops crying immediately, detaches himself from his mother, and disappears into the neighbouring stands. His mother, who's still in the process of rearranging her shopping so that she can reach down to stroke his head, looks confused. "Um, baby? Where are you - sweetheart?"

From somewhere among the rolls and bagels, a casual-sounding voice accompanies the sound of running toddler feet: "THAT'S COOL!"

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