Victorianitas

I have been arguing computers with my brother. He does not use Macs. He does not understand.

Which isn't to say that what he doesn't understand is the obvious superiority of the Mac, because we can take that as given. Besides, he gave it away with the smirky "but I thought you loved Apple?" when I was ranting at them for something today. That's the issue, see; he honestly thinks ranting at Apple shows a chink in the Mac-user's armour.

Here's what he doesn't understand: in the same way that Star Wars fans hate Star Wars, Apple fans hate Apple. My brother claims he can't stand all things Apple-related, but what he means by this is what most non-Mac-fans mean by this, i.e., he thinks iPod adverts are sort of annoying, and he used a Mac once and couldn't work out how to uninstall an application, and he thinks it's truly idiotic that my computer has flowers - flowers! - all over it. That's not hatred. That's irritation. And on a dissatisfaction-with-Apple scale, that's pretty amateur, as well.

All right, maybe we don't hate Apple. We are, however, in a general state of annoyance with Apple over a great many things. Tying the iPhone to one network. Tying the iPhone to one network and then sabotaging hacked iPhones with an 'update'. Not letting the new iPods run on systems earlier than 10.4, for no reason anybody can tell other than 'cough up, suckers - about time you updated'. Scrapping FireWire on the iPods. Making stupid adverts. Charging a ludicrous 'shipping fee' for 10.1 (I have not forgotten this). Selling computers with extra RAM they seem to be allergic to (nor this, either). Scrapping 'iPod download'. Scrapping the dogcow. Being bad at marketing, then being good at marketing. Safari. The way we always feel slightly betrayed, as if the great new boyfriend we found handed us a wad of cash in the morning and shouted "Thanks!" as he walked out of the door, except Apple don't hand you cash, Apple sell you computers that won't talk to the hardware they've also sold you. That time Software Update messed up the whole system. Safari, again. We've mostly forgotten about dealing with the Chooser these days, but sweet God did it drive us mad at the time. You don't hate Apple by rolling your eyes when that "I'm a Mac!" "I'm a PC!" adverts come on ("Hey, Mac! How come the new iPods work fine on XP, but you need 10.4?" "Because I have Mac users, and they'll stick with me anyway, even if it means screaming tantrums and bitching on the Apple Support discussion boards and working out elaborate procedures for getting a released-on-DVD-only-because-we're-bastards software update onto computers without DVD drives without paying a small fortune for a software update they shouldn't even need!"). You hate Apple by loving Apple. There is no other way.

In case you hadn't gathered, I'm having some minor compatibility issues with my new iPod and my old, old, old iMac.

"That's why I hate Apple," says my brother.

No. That's why I hate Apple. Him? He'll never understand.