Dear Students:
I need to know if you're off sick. And if you're off sick with a condition that might keep you out of tutorials for a while, or that might mean work gets handed in late, then it would be good to let me know that, as well. Beyond that, believe me, there are no details that I want to hear.
I was eating a sandwich, too.
My work won't accept self-certification or doctor's notes which merely say sick, there must be a named illness. I hope to never catch anything embarrassing, such as mumps on both sides ;-)
My old boss said that the only possible excuse for not phoning in, in person, every morning when sick was that you had to be unconscious in an iron lung. I don't think he was joking, either.